TIRING

I don't know how to put this. I'm just gonna be straightforward here. I'm freakin' sick and tired of this. I don't know if this is a game of yours or if it's just me being paranoid or if it's real. I feel like I'm being played all over again. I feel like you're playing with what I feel. I feel like you're making my biggest fear come to life. Please stop this sick game. I don't want this. I'm not like those Taylor Swift lyrics "You know I love the players" [Lyrics from: Blank Space by Taylor Swift] because I don't. 

If you want to end this, then end it. Like I told you, "Break my heart. Break it a thousand times if you like. It was only ever yours to break anyway" [Quoted from: Kiera Cass' "The One"] 

Just stop this game. It's very tiring.

Yours Truly,
CURIOSITY

I know this post is a little bit short but I have nothing else to say. This post was all made up in my head in just 5 minutes after a conversation with someone. I know my recent post have been a bit dramatic. They were really the things that were going on in my mind. I won't make any promises but I will sure try to put some fun thoughts in this blog. 

YEAH BUT NO

I can't seem to stop thinking about you
I tried to forget and pretend like I don't have any clue
But the more I try, the more it hurts, the more I fall for you
Somehow, in an endless pit I jumped into

Honestly, I was afraid. Terrified. Scared.
Because I knew you will never care
A care for me you never have
Unlike me, care for you I have

All I can do now is to cry myself to sleep
At least I have good memories of us to keep
Because when you talk to me, building up inside me is a cloud of sorrow
Do you even care? I think you would say "Yeah but no"

Yours Truly,
CURIOSITY

(Written on: October 2014)

CHRISTMAS FEELS

I always loved the Christmas season. It's not because of the gifts and food (Well, it's 25% because of the food but you know, it's food!). 

I know this will be a little bit non-sense once I say it but I love Christmas because of the weather. Yeah. I know. Okay. Judge me. I'm the weather nerd. Hooray. Ahahaha. But before any of those very bad insults about me being a weather nerd, you have to let me explain.

When I was a little girl, my parents told me that my skin was immuned to cold temperatures. I don't even know where they got that conclusion but all I know is that they told me that I would never shiver in the cold or needed a jacket or a sweater whenever it was cold outside. But actually, I felt the cold. I really needed a jacket when the Christmas breeze would blow. I just really loved the coldness of the air and breeze that's why I never bothered wearing a sweater. I fell in love with the Christmas breeze.

The cold never bothered me anyway ~Elsa ("Frozen")

I just loved the freshness of the air. I love how the coldness brings warmth to my body. How it refreshes. How one blow of the wind could bring back so many memories and stories of the past. How it cools your mind off things after a hectic day. How it can tell you how your future will become. How it can help you reflect on yourself. That's what I loved about the Christmas breeze.

No, it doesn't snow in our place. Wish that it would snow here but I'm in a tropical country. But I am thankful of the breeze here. Sometimes, two days before Christmas, I would go out by myself in the afternoon, take a walk in the mall or at the park, wait for the sun to set and breathe in that refreshing Christmas breeze to give me that Christmas feels.

I wish you all a very merry Christmas and happy New Year. 

Yours Truly,

CURIOSITY 

PROMISE ME

I'm the type of person who appreciates promises. For me, promises symbolizes trust towards a specific someone. Promises can build up a friendship but it can also destroy not only friendships but also other kinds of relationships. 

I have written this poem two and a half weeks ago after a conversation with someone. I really cried when I was writing the words to this poem. I dedicate this poem to that someone and I hope he doesn't break this promise and the other promises we made for each other. 

Hey, promise me something

I need you to say these things

Do this, just promise me these

I am begging you, please

Promise me you'll always be there

When I need you and when everything's unfair

Promise me you'll never leave me

You make me strong and feel free

Promise me you'll be brave for me

Like I was for you, now it's your turn to be

Promise me you'll do your best to stay

Please, I don't want you to go away

Promise me you'll never forget

Never lose hope, never regret

Whatever the future might bring for us

Promise me, it will never separate us

Yours Truly,

CURIOSITY

ACCEPTED?

There's always that moment in our lifetime when you really have to accept something for the betterment of yourself and for others. But there are times when you can't accept that fact because you know you'll be miserable if that happens or something like that. 

I stay up all night
Just to hear your voice so light
I never thought that those words would come from your lips
I never thought that you would run easily through my fingertips

You said that you already accepted it
Accepted the fact that in this program you're not fit
The fact that you're gonna leave me
And that I'm going to forget you that easily

You should that I will never forget
Kicking you out, I will not let
If you  can accept it, I can't, never will
Have you considered of how would I feel?

Yours Truly,
CURIOSITY

WHY YOU?

Did you ever feel like this? When you have a crush on someone who isn't attractive to the average person but weeks have gone and you somewhat wonder why you have a crush on him. Like, at first, you got to know him and he's a good guy but as days pass, you're starting to somewhat hate his unlikable attitude. But in spite of those, you still like him. I know it's complicated but this is what my first poem post is all about.

Why do I have to fall
For a guy who surrounded himself with walls
A guy so isolated and guarded
A guy who is so complicated 

Why do I have to fall for a guy
Who can't make up his own mind
A guy who is so reserved with his feelings
Who wants to make people think he doesn't care about anything

But I saw something deeper than those things
I don't know what or how, someone or something
But one question still remains in the blue
"Of all the people, why YOU?"

Yours Truly,
CURIOSITY

CONFUSED

Just felt like this was the right time and right place to post this thought of mine. Sorry if it's too dramatic. 

I don't know what to do or how to feel. It's this cliche moment gain when my brain tells me something and my heart feels something else. It's very confusing. Day by day you somewhat turn me off and make me angry all of the sudden but night by night, whenever we talk, you make me feel so uneasy. So special. It's the views of people around me that got under my skin. They say that you're not a team player and you cannot be trusted. That you can't show a little emotion and that you don't even care. Let's just face it. 90% of the people we know disapprove of our connection to each other. I just. I don't know what to do now.

I like you. I really do. A lot. I don't want this to end at all. But there are so many people who are against that. I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose you but I don't want to be hated. I really don't know what to do. I feel so confused. I still like you.

Yours Truly,
CURIOSITY

For starters...

This is really weird, I think. 

So anyways, hey. In the internet, I would like to be called as "Curiosity". Yeah. I know. It's not my real name but maybe it's kinda cool to have a pen name and I think "Curiosity" will be nice because I'm always curious. I ask a lot of questions to people and to myself. Questions out of curiosity.

You're probably wondering why I created a blog entitled "What's on your mind?" with a link: http://thatprettylittlemind.blogspot.com/. Well, first of all, the link is like that because I'm a huge Taylor Swift fan and one of her songs ("Ours" to be specific) has the lyrics "don't you worry your pretty little mind" so that kinda explains it. Second, I was actually breaking a really bad habit.

You see, I had this habit on keeping a lot of thoughts in my head and just keeping them in there echoing in my mind. I wasn't actually fond of the idea of sharing what you thought to other people. Even though my friends encourage me to say my problems to them whenever I cry, I simply don't. I just have this feeling that they might judge me on how shallow my problem is. But it's not. 

So instead of telling somebody, I simply keep it inside and push it to the darkest corner of my mind. And that actually doesn't help at all. This just makes it worse. It echoes in your mind and it reminds you a lot of bad stuff and you go crazy at night. Then, you cry yourself to sleep and scream at the top of your lungs and become kinda paranoid. 

Yeah, it makes you stronger but there's this indescribable fear growing inside you. So that's probably why I created this blog. This is an outlet. An outlet on what's going in my head all the time. 

And the inspiration for the blog title was the big yet blurry text on every Facebook home page: What's on your mind?

So what do you think is on my mind?

Yours Truly,
CURIOSITY