Maybe all what you said were true. Or maybe I'm too affected in a way. I don't know. It always kills me. Whenever we argue and we don't fix it immediately, the situation always kills me from the inside. I'll have sleepless nights. I'll have tear-soaked pillows. I'll have unexplainable mood swings. Not being able to talk to you and/or not being able to fix things with you kills me inside out little by little.
Call me dramatic. It's okay. "Never hope for something out of this", said one of my friends. But I did. I promised I wouldn't but I did. I fell and I hoped. I have done so many things to myself that you can't imagine I would do. I always cry even though you keep saying that you don't want me to. It's so ironic that the person who tells you not to cry is one of the reasons why you're crying.
There are so many reasons why I don't want you to know about me. Why I don't want you to know what I feel. I kinda a stereotype judgement thing. I have fears. Fears that even I can't explain. Behind this sweet, innocent, kind, hopeful, optimistic facade of mine is a dark, cold, terrifying and bitter version of me. So I guess maybe [1]I'm a sinner and not a saint[1] afterall.
[1] Lyrics from: "Best Mistake" by Ariana Grande feat. Big Sean
